Crash Landing
by La Pocky-sama
Summary: Warning! This fan fic is spoilerific, if you've never played MGS3 and are going to, don't read this. A JapaneseAmerican citizen is taken hostage. Everyone has a thing for Asians! Ocelot is really peverted, and has a side noone's ever seen? Snake?
1. Default Chapter

**Author's Note**: Don't use the Russian translator, it doesn't translate very good. Only use it if you want some good laughs. I'll just have to remember what they're saying. Go to the very bottom for the translatons. The sentences in Russian will have a number like this, 1, go find the corresponding number that's the translation for the sentence. It's pretty essential. Some convos are in Russian and some of them are important for you to understand. And Kiki, her name is Kiki Okina, she's a 23 year old Japanese girl. Even though in her picture she has small boobs, she's suppose to have tig ol bitties.She was adopted by a retired CIA agent.I'm still kinda contemplating things with her. Also I don't own any Metal Gear Solid things so don't sue me. The only thing I do own is Kiki Okina. If any of you want to borrow any components of this fanfic then ask me first. Also, Kiki is suppose to be unbelivably pretty like EVA. And I made Ocelot a major pervert (no pun intended). If you notice how Ocelot and his troops say bitch alot, it's because I'm making fun of Ocelot saying bitch in the game.The beginning takes place a little bit after the virtuous mission starts. And if you have any suggestions for my story of how it could be better or things you think should be added then tell me! Oh, AND, I have three other chapters that are on the computer but I have to edit them because things are all really screwed up. This version of the fan fic isn't even the original, this is the better edited version.

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**Chapter1** , _An Unexpected Landing_

She awoke inside the airplane, it had crashed and when she blacked out she wasn't sure whether she died or not. All around her the plane had been wrecked, this insides weren't bad compared the outside. It was a small plane, there was only enough room for three people. The pilot and two passengers.

Kiki got up and walked to the cockpit, the pilot was dead. His neck was broken at a strange angle. She thanked God that her friend Karen was sick and couldn't go with her on this trip.

The only thing was now she was alone, she knew very little about wilderness survival. Besides, she was only a rich city girl photographer. The only thing she knew was the things anyone else knew, the common sense things. If she had to defend herself she knew martial arts, also, if she ever got a gun she was an expert marksman. She went back into the airplane and looked for her backpack. It wasn't in the plane, so she went outside. As soon as she went outside she saw it hanging on a tree branch.

She picked up a small piece of airplane debree and threw it at the backpack. It hit and the backpack fell to the ground. Immediately she rushed to it and pulled out medical supplies and treated her minor injuries. In the crash she had suffered minor bumps, bruises, and cuts. Other then that she was okay, she didn't even need any stitches for her cuts.

After she was done she put the medical supplies back in her backpack and put it on her back.

She growled, "I wish I had worn something else. But it's not like I knew we were going to crash..."

Her outfit was impy skimpy, it was a blue silken dress that stopped above her knees.

_I didn't wear normal shoes either, I wore high heels..._

The plane had crashed in Dremuchij, a thick muggy jungle teeming with wildlife. While she ventured away from the crash site she had one hell of a time walking around. Her heels would sink into the soft soil, or get caught in thick vegetation. After much annoyance of having to fix her shoes every two seconds she took them off, and in a pissy rage chucked them somewhere in very thick vegetation. In the end she ended up walking around in her bare feet, which probably wasn't the smartest idea in a jungle.

"Oh God, I'm going to be eaten or something..."

"The first thing I'm going to do is find some where to rest."

Very quickly she became lost in the jungle, she kept going in circles. What was even worse was she hadn't advanced much further from the crash site. Not only that but eventually people would come and investigate the crash site.

Kiki sighed and sat under a large tree, then she noticed funny looking fruits in the tree, they were these mango looking things. They were Russian False Mangoes. She found some rocks and threw them at the fruit until a few fell. Afterwards she put some in her backpack and ate one. It seemed to taste very good to her.

Then she sat down and rested against a tree.

"Might as well get some rest and hope someone finds me."

She fell asleep, then a while later she woke up to a strange growl noise some distance away. The growl sounded almost cat-like, but with her luck it would end up being a tiger or something like that.

"RAAAAARRRR!"

Fear engulfed her, she didn't know what she'd do. She knew a little bit about the wild, but not how to fend off a damn tiger. _Dear God..._

When she gets scared she sings a particular tune to herself, a tune she had taught to herself. So she began to sing it to calm herself down and make her feel better. And it worked, or atleast helped.

1"Каждое останавливаете, слушаете, вы слышите то нот?"a man said to his soldiers.

A distance away a group of men and their leader was scouring Dremuchij for the downed plane. The leader heard Kiki's singing and he stopped all his men and commanded them to be quiet. He turned a ear towards the source and listened, the melody was beautiful, entrancing. How could there be something that elegant in the jungle of Dremuchij? The man and all the soldiers were admiring her angelic voice, though they were stressed it had enlightened their mood strangely enough. This puzzled him so, he commanded his men to proceed foreward slowly and stealthily. The music faded away.

2"Alright каждое, двигает вне, предосторежение крайности взятия!"the leader whispered.

Yet again she heard that strange cat-like sound, and following it was the sound of foilage being crushed under many feet and voices of men. The sounds kept coming closer and closer to her and she became scared again. Kiki closed her eyes and hoped everything would go away. Then she felt the presence of people, the noises had stopped except the faint sound of murmmering voices.

3"Это survivor тот авиакатастрофы случил немного минут тому назад? Я интересую если она мертва." a voice spoke.

Someone came up to her and firmly grabbed one of her breasts.

She opened her eyes and slapped him in the face. He recoiled back and rubbed his face. Now he was extremely pissed.

4"Вы сука!"

He drew his makarov in a fancy spinning motion and pointed it in her face.

"Go ahead, shoot me."

No matter how much he tried he couldn't, he returned his gun to its holster.

5"Будут вами? Адом будет вы делая здесь! Не безопасно здесь."

"I have no idea what the hell your saying! Does it look like I speak Russian? Well actually, I know a few things. I was learning it before I went on vacation..."

A giant vein throbbed on his forehead.

6"**СУКА**!"

He slapped her.

7"No one говорит больноя Ocelot! **NO ONE**! Вы 5, принимаете ее прочь!"

8"Да, господин!" they said.

Five soldiers emerged from the large group of soldiers and tried to grab her, but they couldn't. She used highly evasive martial arts skills. If they did manage to grab her she gave them a good beating. The five soldiers were defeted with ease, they all lie on the ground moaning. She had even broken one man's arm.

9"Никудышно вы все!" Ocelot yelled."Остальнои вас, получают ее!"

10"Да, господин!"they all said.

There were probably about 20-30 soldiers, they all assaulted her and she took most of them out. She took most of them out with ease, but since there was a decent amount of them the more she took out the more she tired. To her surprize she managed to beat all of them except one, there was one left. On the last one she did a sneaky manuver and took his assult rifle and pointed it to his head.

11"Очень импрессивно я должен сказать, очень fancy работа. Я реально не забочу если вы снимаете его, то, оно только один воин. Его можно заменить."

She sighed, she couldn't beat this guy. This very arrogant, attractive guy. Kiki kicked the soldier in the crotch and he crumpled onto the ground.

12"Даже не попытайтесь снять меня," he said, "мои отражения быстре после этого вы думают."

13"Um...Нет? Я люблю вылизать вал собаки когда я иду работать?"she attempted speaking Russian, though she barely understood a word he said.

14A confused look appeared on his face,"То ваш русский horrible или ваш шально. Отсутствие дела."

15Ocelot grinned, "Право на времени."

He made that strange cat-like noise she heard earlier, and a seemingly endless amount of soldiers ambushed her from nowhere. She was completely surrounded and had nowhere to run. Besides the fact that she couldn't take all of them on at once.

16"Let's увидеть если вы можете принять на все эти воинов."he laughed.

Even she knew when she was beat, and she was royally screwed. Kiki dropped the gun and raised her hands.

17"То более лучшее, я любит сотрудничество. Теперь вы 2, принимаете ее прочь. И это время даже не пытается сопротивлять. Вы,вы dare не касатьетесь ей. Если я улавливаю любой из вас даже кладя перст на ее, то я будуубийство вы."

Two soldiers came out of the giant group and took her by the arms. She didn't like idolly standing by and do nothing. With ease she escaped from their grasp and knocked them out. The soldiers around her pointed their weapons at her, she raised her hands.

Ocelot laughed.

18"Твердолобо я вижу. Наилучшим образом, я угадываю я себя общаться с вами."

He took an assult rifle from one of the uncontious soldiers and pointed it at her. She closed her eyes, she was really petrified. Was he really going to shoot her?

19"Пожалуйста отсутствие всхода..."she said in a scared whimper.

Then the next instance everything had gone black, stayed black.

"Oh God...he shot me..."

Kiki came to in some crappy room with a big window. She looked out the window. It looked like ruins to perhaps a warehouse? This crappy old room had a cot, a wood stove, a desk, a filing cabinet, and a pair of lockers. This place was Rassvet.

She looked down at herself, he hadn't shot her.

Then she noticed a door. She became overly happy, but she probably should have thought first. Like they were going to leave her unguarded. _Hell no_. Stupidly she went to the door and opened it. There was a Ocelot guard standing infront of it, his back was to the door. She easily could have taken him out, but there were other soldiers around.

So she closed the door and sat on the cot.

"Shit, what can I do now?"

Her backpack wasn't even here, they must have taken it.

Then she got up and went to the door and opened it.

"Hey, soldier guy. I'm hungry. Can you get me something to eat?"

20He turned around and looked at her funny,"Ад делает я посмотрите как? A кельнер? Получите вашего ишака назад внутрь и общайтесь с им."

There was a false tone in his voice.

Of course, she wasn't too happy.

"Well you know what,"she paused,"your beret is stupid looking!"

Afterwards she turned around and closed the door, going over to the cot and sitting on it.

"Asshole..."she mumbled.

A few minutes later the soldier guarding the door came in.

"What the hell do you want?"she said coldly.

He took a Russian ration from his pocket and gave it to her. The guy was a very gentle, hardly violent person.

"I'm sorry about being a bitch earlier. I was just trying to look like a hard ass. The other soldiers think I'm a pansy you see...And I don't like the berets either. I think they're kinda gay. My bet is Raikov probably ordered them. Anyway, my name is Johnny."

"You can speak english? Does that mean all of you can speak english? Thanks for the food. If you want I could show you some moves to make you look like a bad ass. Oh, by the way, my name is Kiki."

"Nice to meet you. But really? You could? That's great! Yeah, we all had to learn english."

"But first, what do they plan to do with me?"

"Hmm, I'm not sure. If they were going to kill you they would have done it most likely the minute they found you. Besides, I think "he's" fond of you. Other then that I think they want to use you for any skills you may have. They don't really tell us much."

"Who's "he"?"

Johnny's stomach made a funny loud growling noise. He then clutched his stomach.

"Sorry...I have to go to the bathroom!"

Then he ran out of the room.

"God damn it, I want to get the hell out of here! Get some new clothes, a shower, real food, a real room..."she sighed.

She opened the ration and smelled it.

"Oh God, this food smells like shit. But...I'm really hungry...so I guess I have to eat it..."

Slowly she removed the food from the ration container and ate it. Her face turned pale, it tasted horrible. Maybe the food was expired? Nope. It just had a really gross taste. Kiki nearly puked it tasted so aweful.

"_How do they eat this garbage_?"

Suddenly she had a great not so great idea, if the door guard was gone then she might be able to sneak out. For there wouldn't be many more guards to deal with if she was lucky. She noticed that Johnny had left his gun propped up against the wall since he was in such a big hurry. That was a plus, atleast now she had a weapon. It was an AK 47, fully loaded, she'd handled these before.

So she took it and opened the door, so far the coast was clear. Slowly she walked and hid behind stacks of crates every so often. There was a gate next to the building she was in. It was clear, all the soldiers in the area had gone for a cigarrette break. Then she ran for it and got through the open gate with no problem.

"Uh-huh, go me, it's my birthday, yeah! I mean...I'm a tree..."

It became very silent except for the sounds of nature and the nearby voices of the chatty soldiers. She turned around to check if anyone was following her, she was in the clear. Then she turned around and went to run, but she bumped into someone and fell back onto her bum. The AK fell out of her hands onto the ground.

"Shit!"she said aloud, very loud.

Her head was still down, she hadn't bothered to look up.

21"Так где вы идя! Hm?"a familiar voice spoke.

"_Nothing sexier then an Asian woman with a gun_..."he mumbled to himself.

He kneeled down so he was face to face to her, he lifted her head up by her chin. She hadn't expected it, but out of nowhere he slapped her. Her head moved to the side but she didn't flinch, she only grunted a little.

"Hm," he sniffed "you smell good."

"_Nice complement_...wait...you just spoke english?"she said.

Strangely enough there was a sweet kindness in his voice, and he was a person far from gentle.

Then he became real nasty again,"Shut up, bitch. Don't give me your sass because I won't take it, I'll slap your smart mouth. And where the hell do you think your going? Just can't sit still can you?"

"Oh yeah, I'm just gonna stay in some weird place when I have no idea where I am."

She rolled her eyes.

Ocelot said nothing in responce, he was too busy looking down the dip of her nightgown. Kiki whistled like she was beconing a dog.

"Hey!"she clapped her hands.

"Oh," he shook his head and looked in her eyes ,"bitch, uhhh, bitch?"

They both stood up, she just shook her head again. Johnny went walking by them. Ocelot coughed loudly, Johnny stopped and turned to Ocelot.

22"Y-Yes, господин?"he answered.

23"Ад вы делал? Где были вы? Почему в боге имя вы не наблюдали ее?"

Ocelot interrigated him heavilly and mercilessly, Johnny trembled with fear. After he was done scaring the life out of the poor man, Johnny left in a hurry back to his post infront of the door. He doubled back and grabbed his AK and left again.

"Let's go, you. This time you'll stay put like a good girl."

"No, screw you. I'm not going anywhere."

"What? You dare defy Ocelot the great!"he became enraged.

"_Apperently so_."

Then he started cursing to himself in Russian.

After some consideration Kiki thought her best change was to beat the crap out of Ocelot. Well, she just wanted to beat the crap out of him because he was an asshole. And she didn't like him much so far. So her assult began, she lunged forewards and tackled him to the ground. He was taken in by surprise and squeeled loudly like a schoolgirl. She slapped the hell out of him many times then he escaped her grasp and they started wrestling. It was some crazy ass wild wrestling.

24"Hey! Кто-то... помогает мне... c'mon вы ленивые... ишаки... хорошие для шишек nothin... гречихи!"Ocelot tried yelling for help while he and Kiki wrestled.

Some nearby solders perked their heads at Ocelot and Kiki and rushed over, they stood there watching them. Then more and more soldiers came and watched them. After there were so many soldiers they started cheering Ocelot on as if they were watching a game on TV. He forgot about every one except..._her_.

After about ten minutes of wrestling they stopped to catch their breath. Kiki was over top of Ocelot holding her body up with her hands on the ground under Ocelot's arms. Ocelot was obviously lying under her with his arms out straight. His face was right under her breasts. But neither of them took note because they were so exaughsted and taking a few minutes to catch their breath.

The group of soldiers quieted down and broke up going back to their posts, the game had lost its flavor.

Ocelot had recovered, but Kiki was still catching her breath, he just lie there then noticed her boobs were in his face.

"Ooooh, mmmm... _олухи_..."Ocelot said dreamily.

Suddenly Kiki felt Ocelot grab one of her breasts, twice.

"**Honk**! **Honk**!"he grabbed her breast like a car horn.

She growled, then let her body fall on his as she started strangling him with her hands.

"Ack...please...stop...won't grab...no more..."he gurgled.

His face became tinged with blue, then she felt kind of bad so she stopped choking him. Though she remained sitting on him.

"Don't try anything funny again!"she said.

"Yes..."barely anything was heard from his mouth.

Afterwards she got off of him and held her hand out to him, there was a somewhat pissed look on her face.

He coughed and gagged holding his throat with both hands, catching his breath again, then he took her hand and she pulled him onto his feet. His eyes narrowed firmly at her.

"СУКА..."he said under his breath.

He grabbed her firmly by the arm and he dragged her back to the crappy warehouse room she had been in. Then he shoved her in the room and he came in and closed the door behind him.

Johnny looked at the door over his shoulder,"I feel sorry for her, it's bad news when he does that. You know how it is working isolated in the jungle with only men around you all the time... Once there's a woman, especially a very attractive Asian woman...BAM! He strikes like a snake. He especially has a thing for Asian women so it's aplus for him. But then again, anyone wearing these gay ass red berets are morons. Even myself. _No, I had to be an Ocelot solder..._"

Then he turned his back to the door and went back on watch.

"You know what? I--"

He was cut off by his walkie talkie.

"Ocelot! Where the hell are you! There's a situation here that needs to be taken care of. Get your ass over here now!"

He answered his walkie talkie. A big sigh escaped from his mouth.

"Damn it, Volgin. I'm kinda busy. What is it, anyway? If it's another spider have Raikov kill it."

"...Raikov doesn't like spiders either. You have to kill it, noone's around."

"Grr...you better be clothed this time. I don't want to see anyone's hairy ass."

"I shaved," he coughed "besides the point you need to kill it."

"Fine..."

"Oh, and also while your here tell me about that girl you found from the plane crash. If she has any good skills, we can use her."

"Yes...You always interupt during importain things."

Volgin goes to speak and is interupted by a girly scream,"Oh my God! Oh my God! It's so gross! Ahhhh!"

"I'm coming right away, Volgin!"

"Damn bastard..."he said under his breath.

He clipped the walkie talkie to the side of his belt. Then he turned around and looked at Kiki.

"I must depart, but I will return for you."

Then he left.

Johnny opened the door and went inside.

"Um...are you alright?"he asked.

"Hell no! Go get me a fucking cigarrette!"

"...I don't have any."

"Then go get me one!"

"Uh, I'm not suppose to leave my post."

Johnny had turned very feeble.

"JUST GO!"

"O-Okay!"

He ran off to a pair of soldiers on a break.

25"Вы увидели ту суку bitchin"one said.

26"Yeah, та сука была довольно горяча. Сказанное Ocelot что сука носила дух. И я сказал ему alot дух износа сук."the other one answered.

27Then Johnny coughed,"Я не намереваюсь сломать вверх этот переговор о суках... но... я cig."

The two soldiers stopped talking and glaired at him.

28"Ад вы хочет, сука ya маленькая?"the one said.

29"Yeah, come back хорошее! В вашей стороне, Johnny!"the other one gave the soldier a high five.

30"Cig's ровные для меня, prisonner хотят одно. И я не курю, настолько естественно я не иду иметь любые."

31"Как мы знаем ваша справедливую делающ ее вверх?"one of the two said.

32"Посмотрите, Vlad. Я не вышел бы но она находилась в реально pissy настроении... и она принимала ее вне на мне. И штифтик, ваше funny, ваш идиот. Так угодите, справедливо дайте мне одно и я пойду прочь."

33"Отлично," Vlad handed him a cig, "теперь получите outta ада здесь."

"О'кейо, мой ишак пойдено!"Johnny smiled and walked away.

He came back to the room and Kiki was still there, it seemed she hadn't even attempted to escape. She was sitting down on the cot. Feebly Johnny approuched her.

"Here, I got you a cigarrette, Kiki."his hand trembled as he gave her the cigarrette.

She gentle took the cig and stuck it in her mouth,"Thanks alot, Johnny."

Then he started to panic.

"Oh my God, I don't have matches or a lighter. OH GOD!"

"Don't worry about it, I can use the flame from the wood stove. You should probably go back to your post before Ocelot comes back. You know how he'll freak out if your not. Sorry for all the trouble."

"It's okay, don't worry about it. Alright, well see you later, I'm going back outside."

"Bye, Johnny."

He left the room.

She stood up and walked over to the wood stove slowly sticking the cig in it until it lit. Then she stuck it back in her mouth and took a deep long puff, exhailing the smoke from her mouth and nostrils. After a few minutes she had reduced the cig to a stub and she flung it on the floor, exhailing more smoke from her mouth and nostrils.

Ocelot hadn't come back once to harass her, it had only been about half an hour after he left. He must have been pretty busy with whatever he was doing. Or maybe it was just quincidental with the wrestle they had had earlier. But then again she probably didn't want to know what he was doing.

Kiki was curled up in a ball on the cot.

So she got off the cot and went to the door, opening it. No one was there, someone was suppose to be there. The grounds were strangely empty. They weren't suppose to be. Something was wrong, she suddenly got a forbbiding feeling.

Now she knew Ocelot wouldn't kill his own men for no reason, or even at all. Unless they messed with his hat. Then maybe... _Stupid red berret_.

"Johnny?"she called"Johnny? You there? Johnny?"

Then she heard some comotion near by and then silence. She walked outside and saw Johnny collapsed on the ground. Quickly she rushed to his side and knealed next to him shaking his body.

"Johnny, you alright? What happened?"

"Uhhhhhh..."he muttered.

Then she noticed a tranquilizer dart sticking out of his neck.

"Oh my God! What the hell? A tranq dart?"

Then a shadowy figure appeared before her.

"Did...you...did you do this to...Johnny?"she said inbetween sobs.

The man felt kinda bad now.

"He's not dead...he's only passed out."he tried reassuring her.

"Why do you pick on Johnny? He only wants to fit in with everyone else."

"Um, I knocked out the other soldiers too."

"This is for Johnny!"

Kiki lunged foreward and jump kicked him with a strong force which launched him back through some crates and crummy brick walls.

"**Holy shit**...I kicked that dude's ass! Ten points for me!"

She did her happy dance.

Stupid her wasn't paying attention and the man came back and put a gun to her head. She stopped dancing.

_Fuck me_...

"So who do you work for? Volgin? GRU? KGB? Are you a Cobra? Just hold still and let me get a good look at you."

Kiki stood perfectly still with her back to him.

He walked over Johnny's torpid body, then he walked back to Kiki and pointed his gun at her.

"Slowly turn around."he said.

She did what he said.

His mouth dropped wide open and he oggled her with his eyes.

"What? Why are you staring at me like that?"

He shook his head to snap out of his daze.

"Uhhhh...ummm...I wasn't expecting an Asian woman. Where's Sokolov?"

"What the hell are you talking about? Why does everyone say they're not expecting an Asian woman?"

"Well around these parts there aren't going to be any running around. I'm here to rescue a Russian scientist named Sokolov, intellegence said he was suppose to be here. Only your here instead. What's your name?"

She gave him a dirty look.

"_I don't even know you_, I'm not going to tell you my name. Who do you think I am?"

"Well my name is Snake."

"_Riiiiiiiight. Nice code name..._"

Kiki heard a noise, she wasn't quite sure at first if she had because it was so faint. But then she saw Ocelot sneaking up on Snake. She looked past Snake's head and saw Ocelot press a finger to his lips. Normally she would have bluntly said Ocelot was behind him. But then she thought about what he'd do if she did. A million disturbing thoughts crossed her mind. None of them were good so she said nothing.

"_Your doing a really good job of pretending to not a have a damn clue of what I'm talking about_. **Well good job, it's really convincing**!"

Snake holstered his gun.

For some reason it looked like Snake was going to turn around so she lunged forewards into his arms, embracing him. He was pretty surprised, but he slowly advanced his arms around her. A stupid grin appeared on his face.

"_Nice_..."he said to himself.

"Please...take me with you...they don't feed me. It's horrible."

"Then why's there a ration container on the floor over there?"

"Uh...the only thing they feed me are Russian rations. It's like eating...rotten snakes."

He grunted a little.

"Snakes taste pretty good actually. But I guess your right, those rations are sick as shit."

Then Ocelot came up behind Snake and hit him in the back of the head with a big brick. Snake groaned a little then passed out, his body slumped completely onto Kiki. She nearly dropped him because he was so heavy.

"Good job,"Ocelot grinned his stupid grin,"now go put him in that room and watch him."

Ocelot was gone again.

"So he let's me drag around the body when it weighs a million pounds!"she said to herself.

She dropped Snake on the ground then grabbed his arms and started dragging him inside the room she had been in. Kiki had drug him by the cot.

Afterwards she sat on the cot and lie down, not even watching Snake as Ocelot told her to. After a few minutes she fell soundly asleep. When she came to Snake was gone. Which she had intended to happen the whole time. She went to talk to Johnny who guarded the door but it was some other creepy guy.

"Ocelot, sir!"she heard the guy guarding the door say.

_Good God...that stupid bastard is back?_

The soldier was in a stiff salute.

"At ease."Ocelot said.

The man guarding the door walked to the side and loosened up but remained in a straight posture.

Ocelot opened the door and went inside. Kiki sat up and turned to Ocelot. He walked over to her, his spurrs jingled playfully.

"Where's the American dog?"Ocelot asked.

"Huh, he must've escaped while I slept. When I woke up he was gone."

"What do you mean he escape? You bitch, you let him go..._didn't you_?"

She shook her head.

"I said he escaped. Believe me or don't, no one else was around to verify his escape."

Ocelot growled.

"It doesn't matter. Come, I'm taking you to Graznyji Grad. The colonal wishes to see you."

"No, I'm not going to your death camp. I'd rather die out here then be tortured and mutilated."

Kiki stood up and turned her back to Ocelot.

"It's not a death camp, it's a facility that houses the Shagohod. At any rate it doesn't matter whether you want to go or not. You have no choice, _I'm taking you there_."

Ocelot walked up behind her and grabbed her arms somewhat forcefully. With no warning she spun to his left and behind him grabbing his makarov in a quick motion. She pointed it at the back of his head. He raised his arms at the sides.

"My, my, your fast. I'm very impressed once again. But you can't shoot someone with an empty gun. You put on a good show, I must say."

He slowly turned around and put his arms down, smirking at her. She looked at the butt of the gun where the magazine is inserted and it was empty. The gun was empty like he had said.

"Now be a good girl and give me back my gun."

His hand reached out and opened, waiting for the gun to be put in it. Only Kiki didn't give it back to him, she started spinning it in a taunting manner. She'd spin it at the left and he'd grab for it and she'd move it over to the right. He'd grab for it and she'd move it to the left, spinning the gun much like Ocelot as she did this. Then she started showing off a little to piss him off. As she was showing off he tried grabbing his gun but she'd toss it into her other hand, or under her leg into her hand like you'd do with a basketball. He became very annoyed and looked to be near the breaking point of yelling, when something came crashing through the already much broken window.

Both of them stopped and looked at the window for the source, Kiki dropped the makarov. Whatever it was it exploded and admitted a thick white sufficating smoke. Instinctively she ran for the door and got out, while Ocelot remained behind and gagged heavily and then crumpled loudly onto the floor. When the smoke cleared she went back inside and saw Ocelot lying perfectly..._still _on the ground.

_There is no way in hell he could die from a smoke gernade...unless there was poison in it?_

A few of the Ocelot troops peeked their heads in the door, as if they had something to do with this. Kiki heard the door creak so she looked behind her at the door. All the heads disappeared and one soldier was shoved into the room by someone else.

"Um...uhhhh..."the soldier faultered.

"Yes? You want to tell me something?"she said.

"Um, er...we were playing hacky sack with that smoke gernade and...erm...someone kicked it too hard and it went through the window. It must of went off...well...Igottagobackonwatchbye!"

The Ocelot soldier ran off like a little kid, others came inside and saw Ocelot. They freaked out and looked at Kiki with puppy dog eyes.

"What the hell are you bastards looking at me like that?"her voice was irritated.

One of the soldiers spoke,"Pwease help the major...I think he might be dead. We don't know how to do CPR or anything. Pwitty, pwitty, plwease with sugar on top and sprinkles and whip cream and--"

"**ALRIGHT! CHRIST!** Lucky for you I know CPR! _GOD!_"

All of the soldiers in the room clapped their hands excitedly and ran out going back to their posts.

Kiki walked over to Ocelot and knealed over top of him. She checked his pulse, it wa very faint. His face had grown very livid and lifeless. Then she put her ear to his chest and listened to his heart beat. It was weak.

Afterwards she took a deep breath and pressed her lips against his realeasing her breath into his mouth. Then she took her hands and pressed down firmly on his chest a few times. She waited a moment to see if he stirred, but nothing. His body twitched a little but he didn't wake or breathe. So she repeated the process a few more times, nothing, only his twitches became a little worse, but that was all. So she made one last attempt. She took a deep breath and then pressed her lips gently against his, releasing the air into his mouth.

Suddenly he grabbed her arms and he forced her onto her back, pinning her against the floor wit his body. Before she had even realised what happened Ocelot had been forcefully kissing her. Then she started squirming, trying to escape from him. But he was too strong for her, his grip was firm and forcing as well as his body. Whatever fake dying technique it was it seemed he had done it many times, fo it was expertly done. It honestly looked like he was dead or dying.

Ocelot looked down at Kiki and grinned,"_What do you think of me now_? It's a trick I've known since a child. I used to play dead all the time and I've crafted the art finely. Don't you think?"

"You bastard! Get off me! Your disgusting!"

Her body writhed, he felt it against his and it aroused him more then he already was. She felt something strange, she figured it must be some equiptment from his belt pressing against her upper theigh. Kiki became worried about what was going to happen.

"_Ah, ah, ah. _You've been a naughty girl, now you need to be punished."

She began sweating bullets.

"Oh God! What are you going to do! Leave me alone!"

"You'll find out...wait...what's your name? You know who I am, but I don't know who you are."

"What...? Kiki...Your name is Ocelot? That's gotta be a codename."

"Kiki? Pretty. Ocelot is a codename."

He began to forcefully kiss her, this time with his tongue. She wept in fear, but did not fight because there was nothing she could do. He stopped then looked at her.

"You taste like a flower. Do all Asian woman taste like this?"

Ocelot then started kissing her neck and he gave her some hickeys, she shuddered in disgust. He let go of her arms then got up onto his knees, though he was knealt over her. Then he went to take his belt off and she kneed him in the groin. It was a mistake to get off her. He fell over onto his back and held his crotch.

He scrunched up into a fetal position and rolled around moaning in pain. She brushed herself up and got up, then she walked over to Ocelot and kicked him in the ribs. He grunted loudly and kept groaning.

"**Son of a bitch!**"he yelled.

"That's what you get, you asshole! It was a mistake to get up. You can't leave me with any openings or I will use them to escape. But you don't know me obviously. Let's just go to that Graznyj Grad place already."

Kiki was nice enough to pick up his makarov and holster it in his belt, picking that up too. Slowly he stood up slumping on one leg. Then he slapped her. She didn't even flinch or recoil.

"Stupid bitch! How dare you...you have no idea how bad it hurts to be hit in the balls."

He made his little cat like noise and a bunch of soldiers rushed into the room.

"Sir!"they said.

"Take her to the jeep! On the double!"

Te group of soldiers enveloped her and drug her to the jeep, forcing her inside the backseat. A single Ocelot soldier went back to Ocelot.

"The prisonner and the jeep is secure, sir. We're waiting on you."

"Yes, go. I'm coming."

The soldier nodded then left.

Ocelot left and limped into the driver's side in the jeep. They drove to Tsiloyarsk (which is the mountains, don't know how to spell it) and from there they took a Hind (helicopter) to Graznyj Grad's heliport on the roof of the east wing of the main facility. (I pulled the heliport out of my ass, I really have no idea where it is.)

* * *

**Russian Translations**  
1 Everyone stop, listen, do you hear that music?  
2 Everyone, move out, procede with caution and stealth!  
3 Is this the survivor from the plane crash that happened just a few minutes ago? Is she dead?  
4 You bitch!  
5 Who are you? What the hell are you doing in this jungle! It's not safe here.  
6 BITCH!  
7 No one speaks ill of Ocelot! NO ONE! You five, take her away!  
8 Yes, sir!  
9 Useless you all are! The rest of you, get her!  
10 Yes, sir!  
11 Very impressive I must say, very fancy work. I really don't care if you kill him, why, it's only one soldier. He can be replaced.  
12 Don't even try to shoot me, my reflexes are faster then you think.  
13 I like to lick dogs when I go to work.  
14 Either your Russian is horrible, or your crazy.  
15 Right on time.  
16 Let's see you take on all these soldiers.  
17 That's more like it, I like cooperation. Now you 2, Take her away. And this time don't try anything. All of you, don't you dare touch her. If I catch any of you even laying a finger on her, I will kill you.  
18 I see. You just can't stay still, I guess I'll have to deal with you myself.  
19 Please no shoot...  
20 What do I look like to you? A waiter? Get your ass back inside and deal with it.  
21 Where do you think your going?  
22 sir?  
23 What in the hell were you doing? Where were you? Why in God's name were you not watching her?  
24 Someone... help me... c'mon you lazy... asses... good for nothin... bastards!  
25 Did you see that bitchin bitch?  
26 Yeah, that bitch was pretty hot. Ocelot said that bitch was wearing perfume. And I told him alot of bitches wear perfume.  
27 I don't mean to break up this conversation about bitches...but. ..I need a cig.  
28What the hell do you want, ya little bitch?  
29Yeah, good come back! In your face, Johnny!  
30The cig's not even for me, the prisonner wants one. And I don't smoke, so naturally I'm not going to have any.  
31How do we know your not just making it up?  
32 Look, Vlad. I wouldn't have left but she was in a really pissy mood...and she was taking it out on me. And Brad, your not funny, your an idiot. So please, just give me one and I'll go away.  
33Fine, now get the hell outta here.  
34 Okay, my ass is gone! 


	2. Ocelot and Volgin Sit Down For A Chat

**Author's Note**: Well, as the title sugggests this whole chapter is just Ocelot and Volgin having a conversation.I forgot to put this conversation in, so I though a whole chapter that was just the convo would suffice perfectly. I'm probably going to take out some things from the original convo. It should still be funny none the less. Oh and I don't own Metal Gear Solid! AHHHHHHHHHHH!

* * *

**Chapter 2**, _Ocelot and Volgin Sit Down For A Chat_

"So then...can we use her for anything? Does she have any skills?" Volgin asked Ocelot.

"I don't know, I still need to interrogate her. I haven't gotten a chance yet. She's good at judo, though, extremely good. Oh, and very attractive. Maybe we could use her as a double spy?"Ocelot answered.

"Hm. I think we should bring her to Graznyj Grad. We just built a new wing, a very nice one. She could stay there. We can test her skills then force her to be a double spy."

Ocelot twirled his makarov boredly as they held conversation in the library at Graznyj Grad.

"Force? There's no need to force, all you need to do is persuade."

"Yes, of course. This will be good. It's finally nice to have a woman around. Raikov tells me every day how he wishes for a woman, especially a Japanese woman. Which I do as well. Why do you think he's got those posters of the trampy Japanese models all over the east wing?"

"I don't really care...but I did wonder about the posters."

"Oh yes, Raikov has slept with half the soldiers from boredom and loneliness. Of course against their will."

"Okay, that's sick! I didn't need to hear that! I'll leave in half an hour to pick her up."

"Excellent, what is her name?"

"Kiki. Appearently one of my men is friends with her. All my men talk about her all the time. They all know her name. She happens to be Japanese. I think so anyway."

"Great! That's great! Kiki, eh."

Ocelot frowned heavilly, he was a very jealous person. He didn't want anyone else to have his precious Kiki. She was suppose to be his, atleast that was _he_ wanted, he wanted her all to himself. Hopefully Volgin wouldn't have intrest in her, but he knew he would.

"What's wrong, Ocelot?" Volgin asked.

"Nothing..."

Ocelot holstered his makarov.

"Excellent. Excellent. Well, I guess if there's nothing else of importance, that concludes this meeting. If you like, you could move into your new quarters in the north wing. The north wing is very nice, I advise you take a tour. Other then that, dismissed."

"Maybe I'll do that. Perhaps it will distract me from the grotesque images that have been burnt into my mind."

Both Ocelot and Volgin rose from their chairs at the table and then left the library.


	3. Four Star Prison Cell

**Author's Note**: Hm, is there anything I need to say this chapter? Or just blather on for no reason? Actually I'm not gonna have anyone speak in Russian anymore because it's too much work. I thought you could feed the Russian into a Russian to English translator, which you can, but they don't translate good. You get this weird ass jiberish in english. Like I translated a sentence calling some one an ass in Russian, and when I took the Russian font and translated it into english it took the sentence it said something like "...you lazy...donkies..." instead of asses. By all means take the Russian said in the first chapter and translate it into english, it's pretty funny. Some people have walkie-talkies, I know in the game they don't but they do here, I have no idea if walkie-talkies were invented then, but oh well. I tried, so I'm sorry if they weren't. I didn't know. Blah, blah, still don't own Metal Gear Solid, don't sue, etc. Let's see...Raikov gets introduced into this chapter. He's a main charry I guess. Go to my profile and I have a link to a pic of Ocelot I made. You absolutely need to see it.

* * *

**Chapter 3** , _Four Star Prison Cell?_

Ocelot pushed Kiki out of the Hind and she fell forewards, scraping her hands and knees pretty badly. Blood dripped badly down her hands and legs. Four soldiers and Ocelot hopped off the Hind and went over to Kiki. Slowly she stood up, though she hunched forewards a bit.

"S-Sir, shouldn't you bandage her up? She's bleeding quite badly..."one of the four soldiers dared to speak.

Slowly Ocelot looked over at the soldier that spoke and glaired at him.

"How dare you tell me what to do! Do you think that I can't handle myself?"

In a quick motion Ocelot drew his makarov, loading it with a clip, and shot the man's beret off his head, then holstered the gun. The man whined like a scared animal and quivered.

"Let that be a warning to you. Next time it'll be your head. One of you get the first aid kit from the chopper! Treat her up!"

They all looked at each other in a stupid manner, then one of them ran into the Hind and took the first aid kid. The soldier opened the tin box and sed the utensils inside to treat her cuts as best he could. After he was done he closed th tin and took it back to the Hind, then he rejoined the group.

"Sir, that is all I can do. She needs stitches, but there wasn't a suture kit in the tin. It's not needed immediately, but I advise getting stitches as soon as possble. That way the deep cuts will heal right."

Ocelot smirked a little,"Good wotk, extra rations for you."

"...er...Thankyousir!"the soldier saluted.

Kiki lie on the ground severely woosy.

"You, Kiki, get up! I'm going to put handcuffs on you. I don't want any nasty surprises while I present you to the colonel. It's my ass on the line."

She could barely manage. but she stood on her feet, shaking severely. How she was still conscious was a mystery. Ocelot walked behind her and removed a pair of handcuffs from his belt. He grabbed her arms and put them behind her back, then he put the cuffs on her wrists and locked them with a key. Afterwards he put the key in his pocket and took the walkie-talkie off his belt.

"Colonel, I've got the girl. I'm at the heliport. Where do you want to meet?"

"Good, that's music to my ears. Hm, how about the torture room? Don't worry, no one is going to torture her. Unless it's nessisary."

"Yes, sir. That sounds fine. Over and out."

He clipped the walkie talkie back onto his belt.

So Ocelot and the four soldiers escorted Kiki to the torture room within the prison building, which was south of the main facility. When they arrived Volgin and Raikov were waiting for them.

"What's wrong with her?"Volgin asked.

"Oh, she fell and cut herself."Ocelot replied.

"Well, let me just say that I hope you didn't do that to her unpurpose. If we can use her we don't want her to be incapacitated, now do we?"

"_No, colonel_..."

Ocelot wiped his forehead and sighed. He turned to his men and waved his hand as a signal, they all saluted him then left the room. After they left he shot a quick glair at Raikov. Very much so he despised thateffeminate Soviet faggot, he wasn't exactly sure why. Maybe because he was gay and the colonal's bitch and it sickened him so. Or maybe he just didn't like fags. At any rate they didn't get along very well, but even though Raikov was a fag he was a tough bastard. But at the same time he was a coward, when there was even a faint detection of an intruder he'd hide in the bathroom wielding his makarov. Ocelot had seenRaikov kick his own men's asses for beligerance, or even out of bordum. Luckily for him Raikov was a major like him so he didn't have to be all formal. He could just call him Raikov.

"Ocelot...I don't feel good...I want to lie down..."Kiki said weakly.

"Your fine! You don't need to lie down! Weakling..."

She became silent and clutched her stomach.

Volgin (can any of you even remember Volgin's full name? I can't, good thing we never have to use his first or even middle name. LOL)looked over to Kiki and grinned in a very creepy way. Slowly he advanced to her and walked around her with his hands behind his back. He mumbled things to himself and stopped infront of her with his arms at his sides. Raikov watched him curiously. (Everything Volgin does is creepy, everytime he does something it should be described with creepy. HE creepily walked down the stairs, he creepily walks the dog, he creepily picks his nose, he creepily urinates in the urinal. Sorry...)

Kiki's head was drooped looking at the floor because she didn't have the strength to pick it up. She knew he was standing infront of her, but he wasn't a very pleasant sight to look at. He lifted her head up by her chin and examained her countenance closely, his face so close to hers she could feel his breath on her face. Her face winced a little in dismay. She'd never seen this man before and he seemed alot weirder and creepier then Ocelot.

Then he walked behind her again and took a nice squeezeon her ass, she jumped a little.

"Good, good. Nice ass..."Volgin quietly noted to himself.

Then he walked infront of her again and grabbed one of her breasts.

"Great jiggling jubblies! Excellent..."

She mustered all the strength she could and stood straight andslapped Volgin in the face. His head moved to the side then he slowly turned it back towards her. He was pissed. So he grabbed her by the breast and started shocking her with the electric current from his body. Holes were being burnt into her dress which already had a bunch of rips in it from wrestling with Ocelot earlier. He picked her up and then dropped her on the floor. She was unconscious. Volgin was going to do more things to her but Ocelot rushed to him and grabbed him by the arm and stopped him.

"Please stop, colonal. If you kill her we can't use her. I'm sure it was a mistunderstanding, she doesn't know how you are."Ocelot pleaded.

Volgin ripped his arm out of Ocelot's grasp and growled.

"Fine. It better not happen again, you and Raikov will keep her in line then."

Volgin went to leave and he summoned Raikov to go with him and then he left.

Ocelot sighed, "Damn, Volgin..."

He went over to Kiki and picked her up and left the torture room and the prison building going to the east wing, then to the north wing that was just added. This wing had the new rooms for Volgin, Raikov, Ocelot, and the others, and also "four star prison cells". Also there was a bunch of leisurely crap they didn't really need like a giant indoor pool, a spa, a big fountain, etc.

When he arrived at the north wing he entered one of the "four star prison cells" and placed Kiki on the bed. Then he turned her over on her back and unlocked the cuffs with the key from his pocket. He removed the handcuffs then put them back on his belt. Afterwards he rolled her back on her back.

"Sleep tight, don't let the gay homos bite."he said in a very sweet, sincere voice.

He kissed her gently on the forehead and then felt his forehead with his hand.

"Am I sick?"he said confused.

Afterwards he left and the sliding door locked as he left.

Was Kiki bringing out a trait in him he had never known?

_Kindness? Love? What do these words mean? _Ocelot asked himself.

Snake couldn't find Sokolov, so he threatened many of the soldiers patrolling around Rassvet until one of them told him what he needed to know. It was just a ploy that Sokolov was in the abandoned warehouse in Rassvet. He had come too late and Volgin had already abducted him and taken him to Graznyj Grad. The soldier told him that he couldn't get into Graznyj Grad because it was an impregnable fortress, the only way he could was if he had cooperation from someone on the inside. Someone that knew the fortress well and had the key to the door that leads to the underground tunnel that leads to Graznyj Grad. Then he nonchalantly slits the guy's throat and threw him in some bushes.

He had a run in with Ocelot after he capped everyone around the abandoned warehouse. Snake knocked out all his Ocelot soldiers and Ocelot, after his gun jammed on him when he tried to eject a bullet by hand. Dumb bastard. Then Snake pissed all over Ocelot, and shot a bunch of tranquilizers in his head. (Sorry, I'm just being dumb, but it' still funny.)

Afterwards Snake left and went to cross the bridge when he was jumped by The Boss! She kicked his ass and dislocated his arm then threw him over the bridge into the river below. Where he nearly died. Then he woke up washed up on the banks of a ford in the river, where he was called on his radio. He healed himself up then did something to a recovery balloon. Whoo-hoo!

(Sorry for the dumb summery, but I needed a quick summery. Hopefully it was funny for you!)


	4. While Snake Is In The ICU

**Author's Note**: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey! Well...there's nothing I have to say for once. Except I don't own Metal Gear Solid. I probably don't even need to say anything became I'm pretty damn sure noone from Konami or the great Hideo Kojima himself are gonna read our fan fics. I mean why would he waste his time reading stuff we did because we don't have anything else better to do? Have any of you ever seen a picture of Hideo Kojima? I always though he was an old guy, like in his 50's-60's. LMFAO But he's not. He's a young guy. I'm not sure how old, but he's dead sexy! Honestly, I'm not joking. Find a picture of him, you'll agree. Ironically I have a thing for Asians too, but that's because I am Asian and where I live my family and the lady that owns the Chinese restaurant are the only Asians in our town.LOL

* * *

**Chapter 4**, _While Snake Is In The ICU..._

Duringthe week Kiki had learned her place in the Graznyj Grad food chain, she was above the soldiers, but below everyone else, like Volgin,Ocelot, etc. The way she was treated she had become very feeble, they broke her spirit, and only after a week! When she was alone she was different, but in front of everyone else she was like a mouse. Shy and meek. Don't worry, she didn't keep wearing that raggedy ripped and burnt to shit dress of hers. Raikov got her a Soviet uniform made for women, (which is Tatyana's outfit from MGS3), and some glasses. (Think Tatyana here, Kiki's replacing Tatyana because I don't like her like I said.) She became Volgin's little bitch, and Raikov's, but surprising never slept with Ocelot. Somehow she mangaged not to.Maybe because Volgin would kill Ocelot for doing so? No, not really. He didn't give a shit what she did. As long as he got what he wanted when he wanted it, he didn't care. Her and Ocelot had become close friends, she got along real well with The Boss too. The Boss even taught her the basics of CQC, even though she's (Kiki)already mastered martial arts.

"H-Hey...Ocelot! How ya doin there, buddy?"for some reason he was scaring the crap out of her right now.

She usually wasn't feeble infront of Ocelot, but sometimes.

Ocelot looked very pissed, but she wasn't sure why. But if she thought about it there were too many scenarios. So she figured it was one of those typical things he always got mad about.

"Let's go."he said.

With that said he grabbed her wrist forcefully and led her away. Everytime she stopped or slowed down he yanked her wrist hard. Normally she would have asked what the hell's going on. Only something told her she'd be sorry if she did. When he finally let go they were outside of Graznyj Grad only out side of the walls. They were north of the fortress. There were some shabby looking buildings, he had taken her inside of one of them. This building had weapon supplies and uniforms. When Ocelot and Kiki entered, what few soldiers were inside scattered and rushed outside. He ignored them running about like scared mice. Was he that angry he ignored his soldiers being cowards?

He walked over to a large trunk and opened it. It containied Ocelot soldier uniforms. After some time of digging through it he took a uniform and tossed it at Kiki. It was just her size.

"You stay here! I need to grab a few other things."he ordered.

Then Ocelot went into a different room. A few minutes later he came back with a bavlaka, a red berret,a pair of red gloves,a utitlity belt with a little backpack thing on it, and a walkie-talkie. He piled them up ontop of the uniform she was already carrying.

"What's all this crap for?"she asked.

"Your going to disguise yourself as one of my men. We're going to falsly relay information that EVA is going to meet their CIA agent at Rassvet. Your going to pretend to be EVA, one of the two double spies that are "collaborating" with them. Your going to help him and make him think your working for them. We're going to pretend we don't know your a spy. Also, to make it easier, your going to seduce him. Got it? Now get dressed."

Kiki idolly stood there.

"What's the problem?"he said vexed.

"There's no where to change..."

"You can change here, none of the men are going to come back while we're here. _I'll turn my back_, _okay_?"

"O-Okay..."

He turned his back to her.

Of course, she still wasn't too happy about dressing infront of Ocelot even with his back turned. She put the pile of stuff next to her on the floor. Then she took her glasses off, then her shoes, then the dress. Ocelot heard the crumpling noises of her changing and he tried his hardest not to turn around and look.

_Don't look, don't look, don't look, don't look...c'mon, you know you want to. You can turn around and pretend you didn't know she was done. C'mon you pansy, do it!_ He argued with himself.

He couldn't take it any more, he slowly turned around. Luckily her back was to him, she was bent over putting the pants on. He eyed her lushous butt in that pink bikini bottom which got covered up by the pants of the uniform. Quickly, he turned back around again, a bit of red on his cheeks.

_That's it? Don't you want to get a better look? Your gay, aren't you? Your going to be Volgin and Raikov's new little bitch!_

He shook his head,"No...it's not like that."

She stopped dressing, all's she needed to put on now was the bavlaka, and the berret.

"Who are you talking to, Ocelot?"

"Oh, a soldier that had come back. Nothing important."

"Right..."

Then she put on the bavlaka and then the red berret on top. Now she looked like an ordinary Ocelot soldier. The uniform even compressed her breasts so she seemed a man.

"You can turn around now. I'm done."she said.

He turned around.

"Perfect, you look exactly like an Ocelot soldier should. Now you just need an AK and a field knife. Hold on."

Ocelot went back into the other room again and came back with an AK and a field knife.

"Here,"he said"these are standard issue."

She took the knife and sheathed it on the sheath on the chest of her uniform, then she took the AK and put the strap over her shoulder.

"Your the only one with an AK with a should strap. That AK used to be mine."

"Uh...oh thanks. I know how to handle one of these. But what you should really give me is a sniper rifle. Maybe a dragunov?"

"Are you really good with one of those? Well, not now. I'll get you one later. I honestly want to see how good you are with a sniper rifle. Anyway, you need to get going. The CIA agent will land near Rassvet soon."

"Alright."

He stood beside her and put an arm around her as they walked out of the building and back to Graznyj Grad. As soon as they arrived he put his arm back down at his side. They walked to the part of the fortress which held the vehicles.

"Okay, you'll be using this vehicle. It's a German motorcycle (i forgot what they're called), it'll get you around where you need to go. Only this one is a replica, but it's still good. Now get going. See you around, alright?"

He walked away.

She mounted the motorcycle and started it up, then she rode off to Rassvet.


	5. Operation Snake Eater Has Begun

**Author's Note**: Hm, nothing to say. It's a miricle! -coughs- Dontownmetalgearsolid. Damn, I'm just getting over a cold ya know.

* * *

**Chapter 5**, _Operation Snake Eater Has Begun_

A week later Operation Snake Eater is commenced. It was night time.Snake had just been ejected from the drone and he deployed his parashoot. He went crashing down into trees and what not before he released himself from the parashoot and went tumbling on the ground. When he stopped tumbling he stood up and looked around, he was in south Dremuchij.

Then he got a call from Major Zero telling him his objectives and all the happy horse crap he has to do. His objectives are, take out Volgin, take out The Boss, destroy the Shagohod, and meet with ADAM.

So he removed some black face paint from his backpack and applied it to his face, replacing it back into his backpack when he was finished. (For those of you that haven't had the honor of playing Snake Eater yet, when you start operation Snake Eater he starts off in the tiger stripe camo which is the best camo to wear at night when you run around. Moss camo is the shit, you can only get it from The End.)

He wields his handgun (can't member which handgun he has)and field knife simaltaneously as he moves about to Rassvet. When he arrives at north Dremuchij there's a white horse so he holsters and sheaths his knife and gun and starts petting it on the head. Dun, dun, dun! And who shows up? The Boss! No surprize, huh. She starts bitching at him then beats him up and shoots the drone and tells him to run away and disassembles his handgun. The Boss then goes bye-bye. A bunch of soldier fags come to investagate the explosion. Then they call HQ to tell them they've been infiltrated. Then your on caution! Oh-no! Not caution!

Snake slides past them quickly and silently with no problem and finally makes it to Rassvet. He goes inside the part where Kiki was held a week ago but noone is in there. Noone at all was around, not even any soldiers. When he goes outside he's blinded by a headlight from a motorcycle and a loud noise of an engine is heard.

"Cut the engine or they'll hear us."Snake said.

Just as he said that a bunch of field soldiers (not Ocelot's men) popped out of hiding and ambushed Snake.

"Get down!"she said.

He dove to the side, then she wielded her AK and started popping the soldiers. By the time he landed they were all dead and she turned off the motorcycle. She got off the motorcycle and walked over to Snake. He stood up and brushed himself off.

"Hm, are you ADAM?"he asked.

"No, I'm EVA. ADAM couldn't make it."

"Who are the patriots?"

"_Who are the patriots!_"

"A bunch of dead old guys? A football team? Um..."

(I'm not really sure if the pats existed back then, but for my sake we'll say they did.)

"Tell me who the patriots are or I'm going to cap your ass!"

"I know...it's uh... la...le...lu...le...lo?"she completely pulled it out of her ass.

"Good, I'm relieved. I didn't want to have to shoot you."

She wiped her forehead, then removed her red berret and bavlaka (which isthe black skimask type thing the soldiers wear).

He looked surprized again.

"It's you from last week. I didn't know you were a spy. So where's ADAM why couldn't he make it?"

"Colonel Volgin is a very suspicious man and decided ADAM wasn't right for this mission."

"And you were?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I can do things he can't."

They walked inside and Snake sat down on the cot.

"So what's your codename?"Kiki asked.

"Snake."

"_Ha,ha. That's funny. Are you here to tempt me?_"she said in a teasing tone.

Kiki coughed.

"Um, here. These are for you."

She pulled a folded up scientists uniform, a M4, and a M19something out of her backpack and gave it to him.

"What's this for?"he was inquiring about the scientists uniform.

"Your here to save Sokolov, right? You'll need this to get in where he's being held. I got your gun back too. And I got something extra special for you."

He picked up the M4 and started spasing out over it, telling Kiki all the things that were done to it.

"Where'd you get something like this?"he aimed the gun at her and pulled the trigger.

It clicked, but it was empty.

"I got it from a western munitions armory. It probably used to belong to one of your officers. There'll be more where that came from."

"Every part of this gun has been expertly crafted to perfection..."

_Okay, drool over the damn thing. It's just a gun. Jesus..._

After he was done drooling over the M4 he holstered it and put the other weapons and the scientist uniform in his backpack. Then he stood up suddenly and went to walk off.

"Let's get going."he said.

Then he got all woosy and nearly fell over but Kiki caught him and moved him over to the cot makng him sit down.

"Your not going anywhere in your condition. You need to sleep."

He went to get up and she forced him back down on the cot, then he got a call from Para-medic telling him to sleep.

"I should be leaving...but...I'll tell you what. I'll do something special just for you."

She put her hands on his shoulders and leaned her face close to his.

"I'll keep watch till dawn. Now be a good boy and lay down."

The only thing he did was faulter, he grasped his hands together and wrung them.

"Is there a problem?"she said annoyed.

"I don't know you, how can I trust you? I don't know if I can trust anyone..."

"How well do you have to know me to trust me?"

"I guess your right..."

Finally he lie down on the cot and closed his eyes.


	6. Rumble In The Jungle

**Author has been incapacitated...ACK...TIME PARADOX-**_Because if I'm dead who will finish the fan fic? -presses continue button-_**

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Chapter 6, **

_Rumble In The Jungle_

When he opened his eyes he saw Kiki by the door finishing off a smoke, she flung it out the open door then closed it. It seemed she had put her bavlaka and red berret back on. She saw that he was awake so she walked over to the cot.

"I see your awake now."

She removed two Russian rations from her backpack and handed them to him.

"What's this for?"

"Well, sometimes you might not be able to catch anything in the jungle so you can eat these for emergencies. They last for a very long time and have good nutrition for you. I was just trying to be thoughtful."

"Oh, thanks..."

He put them in his back pack.

Snake stood up on the cot and saw four Ocelot troops coming.

"Shit,"he cursed"there's four Ocelot soldiers out there..."

"Uh-oh...I better get going then. Help me move this."

Her and Snake grabbed the cot and moved it over, revealing a trap door to the basement.

"We can use this to get to the basement."she stated.

Kiki opened the trap door and hopped down into the basement closing the door. Only Snake didn't follow her. What would he do? Let them find him and die? Probably...not. Snake paused for a moment and looked around the room. Then his eyes came upon the lockers. He went over to them and opened one and hid in it, closing the door securely.

"MOVE!"he heard a soldier say faintly.

They were doing a clearing of the ruins. They finally reached the room and one of them shot the door off and threw a stun gernade in the room. It exploded and temporarily deafened and blinded Snake, but once he could see and hear again he saw the four soldiers looking around the room. One man was looking directly at the locker he was in but he didn't see Snake. He shot at the locker, but luckily didn't hit him.

"All clear!"one of the soldiers declaired.

They all rushed out except one. The one soldier slowly walked backwards out of the room with his weapon pointed straight and firmly. He stood out side of the doorway for a few minutes watching the room just to be sure noone was inside.

_Why won't this little bitch leave so I get get out of this locker? It smells like urine, dirty socks, and exploded gernade residue..._

Finally the bastard decided to leave because he was sure no one was in the room.

_FINALLY_...

Snake burst out of the locker taking deep breaths of air.

"Clean...air...clean...air..."he gasped.

Afterwards he opened the trapdoor and went into the basement and crawled to the back of the building where there was a hole in the wall. He crawled through the hole and crouched up unsheathing and unholstering his M4 and knife. When he stood up he saw there was no soldiers around where he was. He quietly ran to the edge of the building wall and pressed himself up against it. Then he peeked around the corner and saw a soldier looking around, though he didn't see Snake.

(But because I'm lazy and there's eight guys I'm going to fast foreward everything.)

Snake had just incapacitated the last soldier by threatening him with his knife to get him to leak info, then he, yet again, nonchalantly slit the guy's throat causing blood to gush everywhere. He threw the guy into some bushes, but it didn't really matter since there was noone else around. Then he went around to the back where there was a closed gate and he heard some gun shots. He stopped right in his tracks and turned around. There were more gunshots, gunshots from two different guns.Short spasms of an AK, and multiple shots of a Colt single action army.

He rushed back into the ruins and saw Ocelot on the second story of a chunk of ruins. Except he had was holding one of his own men captive with aknife to their throat and a single action army at his side. Why would he hold one of his own men captive? It didn't make any sense. In actuality, it did.

"I was hoping to see you again!"Ocelot said excitedly.

The captive man tried breaking Ocelot's grasp.

"Ah, ah. Your not going anywhere!"

Snake pointed his M4 at Ocelot.

"I see you got yourself a single action army. But the engravings won't give you any tactical advantages."Snake said matter of factly.

"I won't have any accidents like last time."Ocelot remarked.

"You call that an accident? If you hadn't been showing off in the middle of battle it wouldn't have happened."he rubbed it in.

Ocelot growled angrily, gritting his teeth a little. Then he paused for a moment and sniffed the man's neck.

Sniff-sniff...

"Oh...I love your perfume...it smells so good..."he whispered in Kiki's ear.

"Shut up!"she elbowed him in the stomach.

_What the hell? Is Ocelot gay? _Snake thought as he watched them.

He let out a raspy cough, then stiffened up pretending everything was alright.

"Sn...Sna...Sn..."he tried saying Snake but he was out of breath.

So he took a deep breath then tried attempting to speak again.

"Snake! Feel the wrath of Ocelot!"

The barrel of the single action army pointed at Snake, as Ocelot held it stiff. He pulled the trigger once and it clicked, but no bullet shot out, so then he pulled the trigger a couple more times, nothing but clicks.

"You have to get a feel for how many shots you have left. A makarov has eight shots, a single action army has six. But hey, you could still auction that revolver off since it's practically useless."Snake smiled sarcastically.

Ocelot snarled,"Why you son of a..."

His remark was cut off by a sharp minute pain in his neck.

"What the," he was taken by surprise "it's a tranquilizer...you dirty piece...of...shi..."

The knife and revolver fell from his hands and he fell backwards unconscious.

Kiki wiped her forehead in relief.

After he had shot Ocelot he holstered and sheathed his M4 and knife.

She walked down the stairs and over to Snake.

"Oh my God, thanks so much. I never thought Ocelot was so suspicious. He might know that I'm a girl though, because I'm wearing perfume. But then again I'm sure some of his men are gay and like to wear ladies perfume. I dunno really..."Kiki said relieved.

Snake scowled a look of disapproval,"Well I can't be bailing you out all the time because I won't always be around to save you. You need to be more careful. Your life is on the line here. If they discover your a spy it's all over."

"I'm sorry. I honestly don't know what happened, why he suspected me. Honestly...but now I'll have to be a million times more cautious."

"Alright, well we better part. I need to get going and I'm sure you need to as well. You won't want to be around when Ocelot comes to."

"Okay, got it. If you have any questions that I'm able to answer call me, I have your frequency so if I need to I'll call you I will. My frequency is (heh, I looked up EVA's frequencies, so that's it) 142.52, okay?"

She left and got onto her motorcycle and started it up then took off crashing through the closed and locked gate.

He remained behind, he walked up the stairs and stood next to Ocelot's dormant body. Snake laughed a little bit to himself then removed Ocelot's gloves ,shoes, and red berret, then hewalked off into the jungle.


	7. A Nasty Surprise

**Author has been revived, time paradox go bye-bye! -funny noise-

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Chapter 7,  
**

_A Nasty Surprise_

When Ocelot came to an hour later he noticed that his red gloves, shoes, and red berret was gone.

_Now why in the hell would anyone take those? No...my hat...not my precious hat...anything but the berret!_

He nearly broke down in tears about his stupid red berret.

Ocelot stood up and brushed himself off, tiding his uniform up. It was all dusty and wrinkled and he put so much time into making it perfect and flawless. Then his hand felt his neck, where it hurt a little from the dart. He pulled it out and chucked it as far as he could.

_Bastard..._

Then he walked down the stairs and what lie before the stairs was a sight most horrible, grotesque, morbid, disturbing, so many words to describe a crime so evil and vile as this. He solved the mystery of his missing, shoes, gloves, and berret. They were sitting before the end of the stairs, each of them filled with feces. His eyes grew wide in complete utter horror.

He screamed like a little girl,"SNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

_I'll tell you this, he didn't have a good time cleaning hisberret, gloves, and shoes._

Afterwards he took his walkie-talkie and called Kiki,"You won't believe what happened to me."

She answered her walkie-talkie,"What, another leaf fell on your berret again?"

"**NO**...Snake...that...that pompous bastard. He shit in myshoes...my gloves...and...and...and...my...berret..."he nearly cried at the mention of his berret.

"Ewwww...when I left he was still in the abandonedwarehouse. I kinda wondered why...but I guess I know now."

"Well you should have stopped him!"

"What the hell could I do? I had to pretend to be in a hurry back to Graznyj Grad, to get there before you woke up. Doi."

"Oh, well I was suppose to ambush him at the crevice canyon thing...but I won't get there before he does now. So you need to get there and push him in the canyon."

"Why? Wouldn't that kill him?"

"It shouldn't, it might fuck him up a little, but not kill him. The Pain is suppose to ambush him somewhere near the exit."

"You guys and ambushing...oh, alright, I didn't even go back to Graznji Grad anyway. I'm right next to the canyon, I'm harrassing the field soldiers for fun. Alright, it should take me a few minutes. Kay, over and out." she put her walkie talkie away.

Ocelot put his walkie talkie away as well.


	8. A Cave?

**Author's Note**: I hope you enjoyed the last chapter, it wasn't long because it was just for the purpose of explaining what Snake did in chapter 6. All's I know is I hope you all laughed as hard as I did while I wrote the last chapter. I was thinking of putting a warning, but then that would spoil it before you even got the the explination of the...well...you know, poo. I'm thinking of putting this fan fic up while I'm still working on it because I have 8 chapters now, but I don't know if I want to. I've been trying to finish it completely before I do that. But I might. Also, don't own Metal Gear Solid so don't sick FOXHOUND or FOX on me, okay? Or any Metal Gears or crappy Shagohods. Thank ye muchly. Actually, this chapter is extremely short because people were like aren't you going to put more? I'm still waiting, what happened to the story? Well since they've been waiting so long I'm going to put this unfinished chapter up. But, make sure you keep an eye on this chapter because it's unfinished and I'm going to write more for this chapter.  
**

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**

**Chapter 8**, **WTF?**

So, like Ocelot asked, Kiki walked to the canyon and hid behind a big rock, waiting for Snake. A few minutes later she heard footsteps approaching, she readied to shove him off the edge to plunge into the darkness. He walked past the rock, standing at the edge, though his back was to her. Swiftly, she struck...well...like a snake and shoved him off the edge. He plummeted downward unaware that she had pushed him, though he yelled loudly as he fell. Then there was a thud then silence.

Kiki took her AK and shot it off a few times then fell onto the ground. Pretending she had killed off the soldier that had shoved him into the canyon. Then she ran to the edge of the canyon and knealt down on her knees, peering down into the infinate blackness.

"Snake!" she called "Snake! Are you down there? Are you alright?"

There was no answer, so she tried again.

"Snake! Are you okay? Are you hurt?"her voice eccoed down into the canyon.

There was a pause, then reluctantly, an answer.

"Y-Yeah...is that you...EVA?"Snake uttered.

"Yes. Are you okay? I killed the soldier that pushed you in. Anyway, can you see down there?"

"No, it's pitch black, except for some faint light coming in from the opening above."

"I'll throw you down a lighter. Hold on a minute."

She removed a flash light and a lighter, she shone the light of the flashlight into the canyon until she saw Snake. Then she threw the lighter down at Snake and hit him in the head accidentally. She flinched a little when it hit him.

"Ow! Are you trying to kill me or what?"

"Ooops. Uh, sorry. I didn't mean to hit you. There's an exit in there, you should be able to find it. I gotta get going again so see you later!"

Kiki left.

"W-Wait! Aren't you going to...oh never mind..."

Snake picked up the lighter and lit it up, lighting up a small radius around him, but it got the job done atleast. After venturing aimlessly around the devient cave he finally found a small pool of water, though it was deep. There was a large opening in the ceiling and the sunlight poured in, brightening things up. He let the lighter flame go out and he put it in his backpack.

Then...bum,bum,bummmm...The Pain appears before Snake, enshrouded in a cloud of hornets. The Pain let out an evil laugh, then he stopped as if he wasn't sure whether he should have or not.

"Uh, your Snake...right?"

Snake cocked a brow in confusion.

"Yeah. I wouldn't be any one else."

"Okay, good then! I will make you feel the pain!"

This time The Pain let out an evil laugh with confidence now that he knew Snake was Snake.

"Um...is it still too late to say I'm not Snake?"

"Make up your mind your confusing me! Are you or aren't you, Snake?"

"Sure."

"Sure to what?"

Snake pointed behind The Pain, "Hey! What's that? A lonely beehive?"

"Where?"

The Pain whipped around then Snake shot him in the head and killed him.

"Oh God no, I'm dead...the pain...the pain..."The Pain dies.

(Sorry for the lameness, I'm having major writer's block.)

Snake then leaves the cave and does the happy dance.

(Really, really sorry!)


End file.
